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boo hoo day

June 29th, 2007 (09:43 pm)
apathetic
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current mood: 2.5

Wednesday was my birthday. I am now 31 :)

My family and I decided to celebrate my birthday today because I was done with this semester's work today (yeah!) and it was somewhat convenient for everybody. It was hard to get everybody together though and there were miscommunications about plans. Plus, the pizza was cold :( So when there were a couple of hours to kill I took the young lady out on her first "city" (more like village) bus ride and took her shopping. We both like to people watch, nature watch, and delve into our own little private worlds so this was fun for us. I also like to have the opportunity to take the bus at those times when I'm disappointed about plans and feel so vulnerable not having my own transportation. I need to know sometimes that there are options. It was totally impulsive, though and that somewhat scares me, but it really worked out.

So at the party, we didn't have much time because the young lady was going to spend the weekend at her friend's house. My cake fell on the floor. We couldn't watch a full movie I wanted to because my nephews were having a hard time. Now I'm home alone, free of all responsibilities...so? I can't wait to do all that housework I missed out on during the semester, but thats tomorrow. There aren't any movies I have that I really want to see now. All I can think of to do is read one of my textbooks for next semester, write, and make those plans for better time management of next semester that you always think about and Lord only knows why but you never make. I really want to make it this time! I end up making hard choices: my body or my grades, my housework or my grades, my writing or my grades. I tend towards straight As and get really disappointed with Bs. I currently have a 3.8. I want it to get higher! Its a big part of my self-esteem to get good grades, prove myself capable and really apply myself, because I am interested in the subjects we cover. But I exert a lot more effort in my work than it seems. I take an extra long time to write papers, etc. I work to get it right. I don't want to do something unless I do a good job of it. Something really has got to give though because I can't keep working on one area and being disappointed in myself that another area isn't where I want it to be. I have so much going for me right now, I just don't want to mess it up.

We'll see how the barbecue goes on Sunday.

By the way, I had a sneeking suspicion today that I'm just going to keep getting older and breaking down...but thats just so silly.