current mood: playful
I've suddenly noticed a flash-in-the-pan crush has started to develop in me to a guy I've known for a little while but have had more contact with recently. I figure I will ignore it, be completely level-headed about it, and let it go because I often get crushes while I'm doing well in college, like I am now...its cause thats another area in my life where I have certain goals and so once I'm doing well with one I want to conquer the next. Its almost invariably courting disaster because I can't trust myself to not get head-over-heels caught up in relationships whether its a worthwhile one or not, there's still that component in me thats desperate for positive male affection. I want to be on a better career plain before I start tackling that. To some degree I wish continuing education as an adult is like a sea voyage such as Darwin's on the HMS Beagle where you are completely out of your usual circumstances and emersed in the gorgeousness of learning and experiencing something fresh that takes up all your energy. My classes are engaging and challenging enough, but I'm still on dry land in the States and can bump into these things just when I want it all to continue smoothly. The troubling part is it tends to be that once you tell yourself to ignore something, the more you feel entitled to it. I think I'm mature enough to handle it though.
I really want to win a Pulitzer and a Nobel Prize for Literature. Is it impossible to do so by intending to?